I Love You Just the Way You Are

Every so often someone tells me they want to ‘confront’ their ‘shortcomings’ and then ‘make strategic changes.’ Sounds sweet, so why am I cringing?

For one, it’s almost always after someone has told them they need to change because they don’t fit in. It’s usually their manager of some sort, but occasionally it’s someone more important, like what polite people refer to as a ‘significant other.’ (Digression alert: I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any insignificant people in my life.)

I rarely know the person well, and for some reason they think that knowing and changing are the same thing, so I’m just going to speak generally here.


Sorry for shouting.

You are probably in the wrong job. You might even be in the wrong career.

There’s even a good chance that you are reporting to, at best, someone who is a misfit for their job or, at worst, is just a bully. (That could be true in a personal relationship too.)

And, worst of all, if you want to eat, you might feel you don’t have much choice. (Yes, it’s always the economy – your personal economy – dammit.)

So, if you’re truly miserable in your job and you suspect it just doesn’t fit you, well, I’ve been there and can attest to the fact that changing an organization – or your boss – is simply not do-able, even with all the strategic initiatives you may put on your personal to-do list. What you can do, though, is find a friendlier-to-you environment. A place where you feel they love you just the way you are.

Just being there will transform you into a more productive person. And magically, you’ll feel like things have changed, because they will have. Without a whit of strategy.

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